tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
