I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
