That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
