i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
