If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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