I'm jealous of your bromance
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My feet surprised me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
