Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
