i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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