it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
