Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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