so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
