dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
