You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
