Having a random hookup so left but love u
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
