he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
