Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize