Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
