end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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