remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
