Kiss
Puke
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
