a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
