she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
