No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize