we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
