my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
