I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
