I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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