My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
