shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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