How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize