Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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