At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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