I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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