I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize