You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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