She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
