I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
