Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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