And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
