I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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