Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
