you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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