I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
