Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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