Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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