You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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