Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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