Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
