I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
