so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
