Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize