Apparently you make a good broom.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
