Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Terrible idea I love it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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