no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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