They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
