No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
