There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
