Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
