well you can't waste a boner
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize