I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
