So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
