She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
