i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
