Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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