Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
