8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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