did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
