There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
