i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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