I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
