We're facebook friends in real life
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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