that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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