I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
