I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sarcasm needs its own font
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
